week 8 communication and collaboration

This course has been such a good thing for me personally as I have been told I do not have good communication skills.  I have stepped back and evaluated the skills that were difficult for me.  I do think that emotional involvement is a stepping block that gets in my way.  I am a compassionate person and have some strong opinions, expressing these are not always the best. 
Thank you to all my colleagues in group 2 for their interesting discussion postings.  I have enjoyed learning with you and ask God's blessing on each one of you.
Thank you to Dr. Darragh for your encouraging words and clarifying confusing issues.  I felt that some of the instructions  were awkardly presented and you helped me so how to work them.
A rose for you and my colleagues.

Thank you

FRIENDSHIP IS A GIFT FROM GOD

Thank you for all the support you have given me through this course, I had some rough times and you, my colleagues were with me all the way.  Thank you, Christine for your encouraging words.  Dr. Darragh, you are the best, thank you for all your encouragement and assisting me when things were not going on the right track for me.  

As we go forward to the finish line, I wish all of you the best and God’s blessings on each of you.

My e-mail address is: barbaratate98@gmail.com

I welcome contact with you and continuing our friendship. 

Five stages of team development: forming, storming, norming, performing, and adjourning.

Thinking about which aspects of the groups made for the hardest good-bye.

The Bible Study was difficult to leave, I knew this was the right thing to do and I knew that there would be another study coming up in the next season.  The adjourning was not so difficult for this reason.

Leaving Africa was different, I did not get to tell my African friends “goodbye”, my supervisor told the Africans I would return.  It was difficult to leave the students, we were close; Jonathan would come to my house to do his homework after class was over.  The little ones came over to play in my yard; we were together in some capacity almost every day besides class. When I told them that I was leaving for the USA, Elizabeth cried, Jonathan hung his head and would not talk.  The little ones did not know how to respond.  

Are high-performing groups hardest to leave?

I would say that this was high preforming group in my life.  The students did not understand how sick I was; I never told them or took any time off from teaching.

Groups with the clearest established norms?

The mission I was working with was divided into teams by the country in which they worked.  When joining this mission the understanding was that, you are a team member following the guidelines that had been established.  Everyone joining the team went through training, orientation, language training, and in country orientation.

Which of the groups that you participated in was hardest to leave? Why? 

Africa was the hardest, I knew I was not coming back and I knew I was sick but did not know it was life threatening.  I consider the work I did in Africa was team because we all had to work together, with one purpose.  As a teacher, I was a support person.  For one person, this did not make me a missionary but if I were not there to teach her children, she would have had to teach them or just let their education slide, which is what was happening.  My organization objected to her saying that I was not a missionary; my assumption is that she was not a good team member. 

 What sorts of closing rituals have you experienced or wish you had experienced?

The closing of my time in Africa came quickly.  There was an opportunity for me to travel from the village I lived in to the capital city and it was decided that this was the time.  The family I was going with came to my house, gave me a minute to tell my guard and his wife goodbye, got in the vehicle for a thirteen-hour drive.  Two days later, I flew to the USA.

I wanted time to tell my other African friends goodbye and try to explain to them that I was going home. 

I was told later that they all were told that I would be back in a year, knowing that was not true. I wanted to have time to give them gifts to remember me.  Gifts were the proper parting courtesy in that village. 

How do you imagine that you will adjourn from the group of colleagues you have formed while working on your master’s degree in this program? 

This is difficult because the class I started with is two classes ahead of me. I had to drop out for two sessions. This was due to my having hip surgery and recovery. I have enjoyed working with this group of ladies for the last three classes.  I have learned so many new and refreshing ideas for this group.  I hope that we all finish together as I have only three more classes but do not know where others are in their educational journey. I know that I am a better person for having taking these classes.  I have waited for many years to work on my Master’s Degree. I think that I will miss the contact with the other students. Because this is on line learning, there will not be any going out to dinner or any of the other ways that are done for adjourning.   Adjourning is moving from one place to another, that is the purpose of this journey.  It will end and we all will move on in our lives.

Why is adjourning an essential stage of teamwork?

 Adjourning is a form of closure.  At times, it will be ending association having finished the project and at other times, it is a closure of the project and going forth to another.  This has great meaning for the individuals; the team separates at least for a time.  This will have a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.  For those who will be separating after finishing a project and moving on to another place, it can be satisfaction but also a sense of sadness.  When a team has worked together, going through the process of forming, storming, norming, performing and adjourning separating can be stressful.  I would assume the adjourning would be more difficult if the project is long and involved than it is when the project is a short time.

Since I have been out of work, I have not had opportunities to be involved with team work so I have to look back to earlier times.  Recovery from surgery has been long, then the process of searching for a job as the preschool where I was teaching closed, then waiting for the school to finish construction.  Now Monday the process starts and I get to go back to work, “playing with the children in a learning setting”.

References:      Abudi, G. (2010). The five stages of team development: A case study. Retrieved from http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/the-five-stages-of-team-development-a-case-study.html

Nonviolent Communication and Conflict Management

FAMILY CONFLICT

Yesterday was a tough day for me, two of my sons and their families came to visit.  One I had not seen for a year.  For lunch, we all met at a small hamburger place, went for ice cream, and drove around K-State.  The conflict came when my sister and her family, decided that they were making the plans for the evening.  They decided on the place to go to eat, I had planned dinner at home with my family, and they came to my house and talked my sons and their families to go with them to eat.  That seemed fine but when the meal was finished they came back to my house and stayed for the whole evening.  I did not get a chance to talk to my family.  My sister and her daughter regulate the conversation.  At one point she suggested they go to her house as it was much bigger. After they left, my family only stayed for half an hour, it was late and they had a two-hour drive home.

I felt like she took all my time with them by planning the whole evening without even asking me.  She did say that if I did not want to go to that restaurant I could stay home with the seven kids and feed all of them.  My son, William said no, that does not work.  

As for communication skills, I had to step back, take a deep breath until morning before making a decision.  I consulted a friend as to how to handle my anger and disappointment.  She gave me some guidelines to follow which are in line with the 3 R’s, I was still pretty upset so it was good to have someone to talk to before I made a big mistake.  Usually when it comes to my sister, I just swallow it and go on but it has been building up for a number of years and this was like the last straw.  I felt that consulting someone who is more objective would be the best way. 

I just wanted to scream at my sister and tell her off.  It is much easier to talk to an angry parent than it is to talk to her.  In the past, she acts as if she did no wrong and cannot understand why I am upset.  My desire was to follow the skills in NVC by observing not evaluating, to think without all the feelings inside, to understand her side, but to clearly state my needs and how I felt she had overstepped my boundaries.

Respect, resolve and respond were extremely hard to follow but I do think that I did.  After consulting with my friend, I did write my sister an e-mail expressing my frustration and I was not accusatory or harsh, just expressed how I felt.  I kept in my ball part and was kind and respectful.  It was hard, but I know that what I said was not reactive but a good response. 

Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others.

 

References:

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/

The Third Side. (n.d.). The third side. Retrieved from http://www.thirdside.org/

Cloud, H. & Townsend, J., (1992), Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life,   Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan

Blog assignment for week 4/ Who Am I as a Communicator?

I was amazed that the two evaluations were almost completely on track with my evaluation.  My sister and her daughter worked as a team and the young woman who lives next door did my evaluations.  Both evaluations were extremely close, the listening styles profile were the same, the verbal aggressiveness scale were the same and the communication anxiety inventory were within two points on their part.

This surprised me, it shows that I do work hard at being an approachable person and try to maintain a balance of respect and consideration for others’ viewpoint or opinions.  I am not always comfortable in all settings of communication but it is not something that gives me worries.

I am a people-oriented person, I was sure of that and the evaluations confirmed this.  I am a people watcher and like to participate in discussions, preferably a one-on-one or face-to-face but will participate in groups. 

I have less problem speaking in large groups than I do in small groups.  I have done some public speaking, having to speak to churches raising funds for support when I went to Africa.  I spoke to churches from 50 to 400, it was a good experience and I learned to be comfortable in front of people.  This is in line with the description that I am comfortable in some contexts and not so much in others.

My listening skills will make me a better teacher and supporter of families.  I have a heart for children and their families, to build relationships with them.  My problem comes when I put too much trust in people and do not have as good of judgment in situations that call for more objectivity.   

References:

·  Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

·  Rubin, R. B., Rubin, A. M., Graham, E. E., Perse, E. M., & Seibold, D. R. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures II: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

Diversity and Life

     I want to take this opportunity to give you a picture of where I am coming from on the diversity question.  For me diversity is a part of life: I have lived in Mexico, Nothern French Canada, Guinea West Africa, eight different states in eight different regions. I have taught in ESL classes with students from China, Jordan, Brazil, and Bangldesh, all of these being adults.
     In my teaching career in Africa, I taught a child from Korea, Canada, Madagascar, three different ages of African students in Kankan, Guinea, as well, nine American missionary children and then in the states; Apache, Navajo, Hopi First Nation's children. 
     In the last preschool setting I had three white children, one South African, one from Bangldesh, a Chactaw/Mexican, a Black/German, a Black/White, and 2 Black children.  This was all in one classroom.  With this in mind, you can see why I say that diversity has been a part of my life for the last 30 years.  On any given day, I can go outside my house and within thirty minutes I will have had contact with at least 2 international students. 
     I start my new job in the middle of August, in a new preschool with all new students, new parents, new collaegues.  I have no idea how diverse the classroom will be but I know that they will have my love and respect.  They will have my focus on giving them a sense of belonging and acceptance of their culture whatever it is. 
    I am not saying this to make myself look like an expert, for I certainly am not, just someone with a good deal of experience.  I have learned how to love people for who they are.

week 3 assignment

Communication and Culture

Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?

• Yes, I find that I am being reserved and withdrawn when meeting new people of my own culture, especially if it is a group of people.

If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

•  I guess I am strange but I feel more comfortable when meeting new people from another country, especially in a group. I find I can converse with most any person from another country rather easily if there is a common ground, like at a picnic for international students or an ESL setting.  I have many communication skills I have to improve: the tips that I have listed are ones that I had to stop and consider.

Based on what you have learned this week, share at least three strategies you could use to help you communicate more effectively with the people or groups you have identified.

Jamie Walters and Sarah Fenson in A Crash Course in Communication give twelve tips of a good communicator.  I have picked out three that seem important to me and will help me the most.

      Don’t take another person’s reaction or anger personally, even if they lash out at you in what seems a personal manner. (A big problem for me, I tend to take too much personally.)

      Respond (facts and feelings); do not react (feelings). 

      Understand that people want to feel heard more than they care about whether you agree with them. (This gives them a sense of being valued.)

      Look for common ground instead of focusing solely on differences.

      Work to keep a positive mental focus. 

References:   Walters, J., & Fenson, S. (2000). A crash course in communication. Retrieved from http://www.inc.com/articles/2000/08/20000.html