The micro aggression I felt this week was when I told three
of my friends that I had gotten approval from a publisher to publish the two
children’s books I had written. The first’s
response was she “did not want to be a wet blanket but she was sure I should
think this through more carefully”. (As if I had not, I have been working on
getting up the courage to do this for about ten years.) The other response was no response. I am more puzzled by this one than I am the
first. The third said good for you.
My son, William, said that the first was just trying to
protect you because we all know you. (Right, I spent time in Guinea, Canada,
Mexico, Australia, and Mali without their presence and nothing they could have
prevented occurred.) He also said that he wanted to be in on the marketing so
it was done correctly. My feelings are hurt but I know Will is mother-henning
me.
What did I learn: to keep quite and not share things
that are important to me so readily. The
books have not been published yet but the publisher was pleased with them and I
felt good about that. Now I do not feel
so good. Sometimes it is easier to share important things with strangers than
it is friends or family. Will is the
only one in my family I have shared this with.
I do not feel so good, I feel as if I am being treated as a child, or an
Alzheimer patient. I am old but not incompetent.
I am normally an encourager: cheering on good things that happen and things
that come the way for individuals. I
definitely felt stereotyped: my mother
needs me to guide her. I felt the
effects of discrimination in that the answers were negative or none at
all. I have to ask myself, who are my
real friends? What does it mean to be a
friend whether it is primary or secondary?
Barbara:
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome that the publisher felt good about the books! Don't let your friends bring you down--think positive and positive things will happen. I also feel it is easier to share things with strangers rather than close friends/family. Sometimes are close friends (because they know us so well) think it is okay to say whatever they are feeling. We need to be aware of what we say because words sometimes hurt. Let us know if your books become published!! Great post!!
Barbara, congratulations on getting your books published. Why do you think your family and friends have a preconceived notion that you need help? It sounds like you have lived an adventurous life, living in many different countries. Would it be helpful to ask them ehy they feel this way and perhaps disrupt that stereotype for them.
ReplyDeleteHi Barbara,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to share the quote I posted on my blog, because I think it fits perfectly to your situation this week: "In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends!" Martin Luther King, Jr. I can completely agree and understand you when you said that it can be easier to share with strangers than your friends. When I sang, I could sing in front of hundreds of strangers, but could lose my stomache when it came to singing in front of room full of friends and family. Hang in there, and remember from this week that there silence was unintentional and well-meant.
Barbara,
ReplyDeleteI think it is great that you have written two books and will be getting them published. It is unfortunate that you had to experience such microaggression, especcially at a time when everyone should be happy and excited for you.
Barbara,
ReplyDeleteGood for you! I think that it is wonderful that you have a goal and are setting out to accomplish it. It is sad, however, that your friends are not supporting you. Maybe they are jealous that you have not given up on all of your hopes and dreams whereas maybe they are resigned in their "old age". Keep your head up and be proud because that is a wonderful accomplishment!