Relationship Reflection

I have a good relationship with my daughter but she lives in Washington State and I live in Kansas.  I have not been to see them since March 2009.  We talk on the telephone weekly.  I talk to both boys and occasionally Dad. 

She called me one night, 1:30 a.m. crying.  It scared me and I asked her what was the matter.  Her response was “nothing Mom I just want to tell you thank you for being such a good mom and teaching me how to be a lady.” 

I have the best relationship with my youngest son than all my children.  He lives 139 miles south of Manhattan and I went to see them over the Independence Day holiday.  We had such a good time laughing and playing with their daughter.  My daughter –in-law is the best.  She is not much of a talker but she is kind and always ready to help when the need arises.  I told her Sunday that I appreciated her standing by my son in the turmoil they went through recently.  I think that she is a good wife to him.  My relationship with my son has had its rocky times, especially when he was in high school and it was just he and I.  We still have discussions that sometimes get intense but no arguments.  My son came to be with me when I had so many surgeries in 2010 and he stayed close during the cancer surgeries. 

My friends are my accountability partners, we laugh, we pray, we cry and we support each other.  I do not see them right now as much as I would like.  Being summer they are busy with their families.  I became acquainted with them through my two youngest children.  Their children, three girls, and my children were in youth group at church together.  We all became close, to the point that their daughters called me “Mom number 2”.  My son was like the girls brother.  As our children matured and moved on with their lives, they have lost track of each other but Mom and Dad and I are still close friends. 

My relationship with them is unique as he was my forwarding agent when I was in Africa and then again when I went to teach at the Mission School in Arizona.  A forwarding agent is one who oversees the stateside expenses and manages any personal business that cannot be care for overseas.  By doing this for me, they became really involved in my life, knowing pretty much everything that went on.  They were there for me when my oldest son sent a letter disowning me and never wanting to hear from me again.  He actually sent the letter to them and asked them to forward it to me.  I never saw the letter, they were protecting me from things he said and how he said them. 

My oldest son decided that he did not want to have anything to do with me because I became a missionary in Africa.  He was opposed to my going there.  He is extremely prejudiced.  He also became very involved with his dad and what was going on there.  I do not know the details but know that if he is talking to his dad he cannot talk to me.  This was very hard for me to understand and still is but I have accepted it and moved on.  It still hurts but I cannot do anything about it now except pray for him. 

Relationships have been hard for me to develop.  After my mother died when I was four, my dad took the four oldest and moved back to the family farm with my grandfather.  My dad became moody and impulsive in his anger doing things that kept all of us scared most of the time.  My dad’s sister was our caretaker and she was the kindest person, teaching us all she knew about life.  She had live a sheltered life on the farm caring for everyone but she knew how to be kind and that she did well.  My grandfather was the greatest, I know that is where my aunt learned to be kind.  He was the kind of guy everyone knew, respected and consulted about farming.

My aunt taught me to trust, my dad taught me to trust no one.  That was confusing but I preferred to follow my aunt.  I learned to trust no one again through my marriage and divorce.  I have worked hard to learn to trust again but there are times when I question the actions of others and wonder if they are being truthful. 

Strong healthy relationships are built on trust, respect and loyalty.  I know that I have that kind of relationship with my friends, my youngest son and his wife, and my daughter and her husband.  There are many people at the church that I have healthy relationships with: my friend/counselor, my friend and encourager, my minister and his wife and the administrator and his wife.  These are the people who support me, and I support and respect them.  My church is my family.  I know that my son and daughter understand that as they also are a part of this family even though they live away. 

As a preschool teacher and early childhood advocate, I know that my experiences have taught me to be sensitive to the needs of a small child.  Our house burned and my mother and father fought to put it out.  A few weeks later, my mother was taken to the hospital with bad headaches and she never came back.  I did not understand what was going on.  This impacted my life in a way that made me sensitive and caring for the feelings of small children.  I have a desire to advocate for them, to teach them, and to love them.  Teaching was my mother’s field of work when she met my father.  I wanted to follow in her steps and to do her work that she did not get to finish.  That may sound strange but that was and is my desire.